Open Call for Submissions: Anonymous.

1. Literary Magazine seeks long piece (5,000 words) by short writer. $20 reading fee.

2. Literary Magazine seeks poems for discuss and javelin throwers. $20 reading fee.

3. Literary Magazine seeks something we can tape over the TV. $20 reading fee.

4. Literary Magazine seeks work by Franco-Prussian immigrants of Gaelic extraction who only speak elements of Creole, Hindi, and car wash advertising slogans. $20 reading fee.

5. Literary Magazine seeks work by the person seated to your left -- no, sorry, our left. $20 reading fee.

6. Literary Magazine seeks a Queen of Hearts to complete flush. $20 reading fee.

7. Literary Magazine seeks a manuscript that must be sent between the second and fourth week of September, mailed only on Tuesdays and Thursdays bearing an even number, only allowed to reach us on Wednesdays, and these only being days that end in an odd number. Otherwise, we won't open them. $20 reading fee.

8. Literary Magazine seeks blind submissions we can put our own names on. $20 reading fee.

9. Literary Magazine seeks to reward sycophants. No reading fee.

10. Literary Magazine seeks new, challenging work. Must be something we've already seen before. $20 reading fee.